After reading the story of "Audrey Caroline" I am emotionally exhausted! It’s been a tough week for me and brought about a lot of questions about where I am on my own journey with the Lord and wondering how it is that one gauges their moral compass? How do you know if you are on track. I would say that my walk as a Christian Woman has been slow and steady with peaks of excitement, but in the past days I have prayed to God for more. I have prayed that he lead me, as I feel a bit lost; that he show me how to better serve him, as I feel I’m not doing so great. I do whisper “idiot” when someone pulls out in front of me, I don’t want to. I don’t always want to hand everything over to the Lord because I want to handle it, but I know in the deepest part of me that I have to let that go. So I prayed last night to be still. Being still is hard for me. Listening is hard for me.
I went down by the River yesterday for a few seconds to be with God while the boy’s had a baseball game. Eric was Coaching so I knew they were safe and I just slipped away to be with my God and to ask him to help me be still for a second. Behind me 100 screaming kids playing baseball on various fields reverberated and as tears streamed down my cheeks I just kept saying “Please, let me be still” “Please Lord let me be still” knowing that I only had seconds before I was missed or someone walked along as I sat there by the river on a bench crying my eyes out, he spoke to me. I love you Emily, you are okay, you are my child and I love you, it’s all okay You are good enough! Sometimes I think that way, I don’t pray enough, I’m not “Christian” enough. God can’t love me like he loves those that are. He set me straight. I love you just as I love all my children!
Blessings, Emily
1 comment:
Emily,
This is an awesome post. I too am searching for something "deeper" if you will and this post really touched me.
Thanks for sharing this, as well as all your other recent posts. We've been away for 2 weeks so I'm playing catch up! :)
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